So I feel kinda awkward today. Somethings really off. I dont know what it is but its not right. I hate feeling like this. And Its been lingering since last night. Even killing zombies didnt help. And that almost always makes me feel better.
It's not helping matters any that Ive got people in my ear telling me, "Oh, he's prolly cheating on you anyway." Im for the most part sure that he's not, but there's still that what if. And it's kinda stuck in my head. Ive never been in a relationship where Ive mattered enough for someone to be faithful. Why should now be any different?
Now like I said I'm for the most part sure that he's not cheating on me. I'm just awkward and insecure.The insecure part takes over more than I like to admit, but after some of the shit I've been through I guess that insecurity is going to be there.
Im not nearly as strong as I pretend to be. I try to do everything on my own. Handle everything on my own. I just can't do that anymore. I can't keep up this "tough girl" facade, I just want to have one day where Im not feeling like I have to fight. One day where I can sit back and have someone else deal with the fucktards, jackasses, and homofaces. That's asking too much apparently.
I guess it all boils down to Im scared, confused and just wore out. I dont have the strength to fight anymore. So you know, whatever happens... happens. Fuck it.
"How you hurt me, Oh how you cause me pain.
Well, a hurt like mine You can never understand."
----"Hurt like Mine" -The Black Keys
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