Epic Fail

Hey! Look! An  undead monkey! Well now that Ive got your attention. I don't know what to do with it. Do I make you read my senseless ramblings? Do I go on a rant about my life? Who the fuck knows? I may just write and see where it goes.

The last few weeks have sucked so hard. I'm dealing with so much and I'm totally alone. Well not totally, Ive got family and a few close friends that have stuck by me. But the one person that Ive come to depend on heavily, just seems to be drifting away. We seem to be growing further and further apart. I don't know how to fix it. I love him more than anything, but I think we're coming to an end. And that saddens me.

I'm honestly starting to feel like I should just stop trying. He calls me his wife and yet I feel like I'm only there because he can't let me go. He says he's there. He's says he loves me. But I don't feel it. I don't feel like He loves me. That hurts. A lot.

Maybe I'm being paranoid. Maybe nothing I feel is right. But Ive felt like this before. And every time I have the end was near. I'm not the easiest person to love. I don't make anything easy. I'm hyper and random and difficult and independent. I'm me at all costs. And with the issues I've been having, I need someone to lean on. I hate to say it, but I don't have that right now. I don't.

"All I want to do is be mended by you

I don't want to be confused, I just want to find you

All I want to kill is that which keeps me ill

Underwhelmed and unfulfilled"

  -"I used to have a heart"- Say Anything